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Conan Sells Tonight Show on Craigslist

ross — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:02:15 +0000

Seeing as NBC is run by a bunch of retarded monkeys and is planning on moving the TANKING Jay Leno show to the time slot where Conan and the Tonight Show currently occupy, Conan took it upon himself to sell the Tonight Show on Craigslist.

Click to view full image:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/clt/1551463643.html

Whose Line Is It Anyway – Lee the Lunch Lady

ross — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:30:01 +0000

This made laugh out loud while watching it all by myself (which is a rare feat). I’ve watched it two days in a row and I burst out laughing both times. I love “Whose Line” and wish they were making new episodes.

Wayne Brady doing “Song Styles” to an audience member; Lee the lunch lady.

Click play above or watch it on YouTube

Bisco Goes To College

ross — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:17:05 +0000

Basically our only commenter, Maria, got accepted to college today. We will honor her by featuring her Bisco flipbook.

Billboard Stickin’ It to Charlie Weis

ross — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 20:16:08 +0000

An anonymous, good humored, alumni of Notre Dame paid to have a billboard placed on campus that’s just a wee bit insulting to coach Charlie Weis.

Stupid Products: Winkers Jeans

ross — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 21:53:02 +0000

This is too stupid, anything I would write couldn’t even compare – just watch the video.

Click play or visit YouTube.

If you, for some ungodly reason, would like to buy them, you can head on over to WinkersDesign.

Michael Vick Eagles Jersey for Your Dog

ross — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:08:57 +0000

I guess we’re so far beyond the whole “Michael Vick killing dogs thing” that nflshop deemed it appropriate to sell a custom jersey for your pet dog with Vick’s name and number on it.

Yes, it’s real.

It is available for sale on NFLshop.com

Sleazy Adulterous Glue-Penis

ross — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 04:28:03 +0000

I enjoy when Conan includes sleazy Max into the stories he’s telling. Here’s the most recent occurrence, which made me laugh out loud in a room all by myself, but the title of this post may have ruined it for the rest of you… but what do I care, it’s funny to me.

Click play or visit Hulu to watch Conan do his thing.

For more of Conan’s Hijinks, visit The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien on Hulu.

Making Fast Food Sexy

ross — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:06:35 +0000

Website Fancy Fast Food takes regular fast food menu items and turns them into a gourmet looking dish. The image below is a meal from Taco Bell.

Do Fast Food and Sex Go Together?

ross — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 05:26:29 +0000

Here are two recent advertisements from fast food companies (Burger King and Hardees)

First up, Burger King’s “Seven Incher” ad featuring a lady ready to take one in the mouth.

And now for Hardee’s new commercial – if you ask me, I think they’re a bunch of A-holes.

Click play or visit YouTube to watch Hardee’s new commercial.

p.s. Dear Maria, your Rick Roll may have worked this time, but don’t think you’re gonna get a new post every time you pull a stunt like that. :)

Texts From Last Night – Weekly Picks Vol. 1

ross — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:07:19 +0000

If you haven’t heard of or don’t regularly visit the site TextsFromLastNight.com, you sure are missing out on some funny stuff.

Below are a few of my favorites from this week.

(301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

(216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.

(773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

(408): i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time…but still understand both
(650): i think otters can do that

(815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

(570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

(818): I just saw a commercial that said “call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours”. I said “disgusting” and my mom said “I know, i hate when that happens.” Get me out of here.

(210): I just want to hang out with her.
(916): You’re a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can’t have sex with my mom? I hate you.

(516): I’m at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a “playboy model” when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says “ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do” Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero…

Share your favorite TextsFromLastNight, from this week, in the comments.

Which Video Game System Should You Get?

ross — Fri, 22 May 2009 20:33:53 +0000

A simple flow chart to help you decide if you should get a Wii, Xbox 360, PS3 or PC.

Ken Jennings is a Perv

ross — Fri, 22 May 2009 13:56:20 +0000

An old, but funny, clip from Jeopardy.

Click play or visit YouTube

Gynecologist Dr. Bummer on The Price Is Right

ross — Sun, 10 May 2009 10:21:48 +0000

If you want to giggle like you’re an immature teenager, then by all means click play on the video below.

Click play or visit YouTube

Not Your Average Fast Food Worker

ross — Thu, 07 May 2009 23:37:44 +0000

Meet Blake.

Blake has worked at the fast food restaurant Jack In The Box for over 8 years.
Blake prints out his work schedule to give to his regular customers.
Blake has a tattoo of the “jack” the company logo/mascot.

[via Consumerist]

Mmm… Bacon Flavored Boobies

ross — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:14:48 +0000

Bacon + the internet = bliss

Josh Freese has the Best CD Marketing Plan E-V-E-R

ross — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:26:40 +0000

Josh Freese, drummer for DEVO, Vandals, and A Perfect Circle, recently released a solo album “Since 1972″ with a few different buying options.

Prices, for the CD, range from $7 to $75,000.

So what exactly do you get for a $75,000 CD?

Let’s look at each price point. I’ll only list a few items for each price point. You can check them out, in full detail, at joshfreese.com.

$7 = digital download of the album

$15 = CD/DVD double disc set & digital download

$50 = Signed CD, digital dl, t-shirt, five minute phone call with Josh

$250 = Signed drum head and drumsticks, Lunch with Josh at PF Changs or Cheesecake Factory

$500 = Signed Cymbals, go floating in a Sensory Deprivation Tank, Dinner at Sizzler

$1,000 =

Josh washes your car
Dinner aboard the “Queen Mary”
Cut each other’s hair in the parking lot of the Long Beach courthouse

$2,500 =

Drum lesson or back and foot massage
Take 3 items of your choice out of Josh’s closet
visit the Hollywood Wax Museum (with Josh and any one member of DEVO or Vandals)

$5,000 =

Josh writes a song about you and puts it on iTunes and his upcoming album
Stone from Pearl Jam will send you a letter telling you about his favorite song on “Since 1972″

(Dylan, do you have $5,000 laying around?)

$10,000 =

Lunch at “Club 33″ (super exclusive, private restaurant at Disneyland located above the Pirates of the Caribean)
at the end of the day at Disneyland drive away with Josh’s 1993 Volvo 940 wagon (72k miles)

$20,000 =

Mini Golfing with DEVO and dropped off on the side of the freeway (all filmed and posted on youtube)
Tour of Long Beach (including a coffee shop where Josh’s buddy paid Dave Grohl $40 to rip up some tile just weeks before joining Nirvana)

$75,000 =

A few days on tour with Josh
He writes, records and markets a 5 song EP about you
Take shrooms and cruise Hollywood in Danny from TOOL’s Lamborgini
Josh will join your band for a month… if you don’t have a band he’ll be your personal assistant/cabana boy
take a flying trapeze lesson and then Robin from NIN and his wife will make you raw lasagna

Again, these are not all of the features of each package. I just picked a few items from each price point.

By the Numbers: Race in Sports

ross — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:12:43 +0000

GOOD Magazine does an interesting graphic of the different percentages of each racial group by sport.

Click the image for a larger view.

A Little Spicy Mexican

ross — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:28:11 +0000

BK’s at it again.

Burger King is stirring up trouble with their new ad for the Texican Whopper – which has the tagline “The taste of Texas with a little spicy Mexican.”

Click play or visit YouTube

Punch-Out for Wii

ross — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:28:18 +0000

We’ve come a long way from Mike Tyson, but this looks fun! The game is available May 19, 2009 and only for Nintendo Wii

Click play or visit gametrailers.com

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick

ross — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:50:37 +0000

Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
[Reservior Dogs]

——————————————————————–

Speaking of Fish Sticks…
The stories linked below have all appeared on digg.com in the last month… three of them in the last two days. So I thought it was only right to group them all together into one post.

——————————————————————–

Cop blames he tested positive for cocaine due to having oral sex with his coke-head girlfriend.

Goldin’s lawsuit said the cocaine in his system was the product of “passive ingestion” from performing oral sex on girlfriend Coreen McCarthy, who, once he tested positive, admitted to him that she was a regular cocaine user.
[via NY Daily News]

Raccoon bites off man’s penis.

A feisty raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s penis as he was trying to rape the animal.
[via The Sun]

Best friend bites off man’s penis and swallows it.

Police and medics could find no trace of Marian’s missing genitalia, and believe his attacker Wojciech Sowinski – now facing 10 years in jail – may have eaten it.
[via Metro News]

Docs: Many Men Have “Small-Penis Syndrome”

Study: 85% Of Women Are Pleased With Partner’s Penis Size, But 45% of Men Wish Theirs Were Bigger
[via CBS News]

Small-penis syndrome is actually called “Micropenis”

Micropensises (penises with a flaccid length of less than 2.7 inches)
[via Live Science]

Does size matter?

Relax, guys. No matter what those, ahem, movies might suggest, in the United States, the average erect penis is five to seven inches long, and four to six inches in circumference.
[via Live Science]

Childcare workers threatened to cut off four-year-old boy’s penis

Two childcare workers have been handed suspended jail terms for holding a knife to a four-year-old boy and threatening to cut off his penis.

The mother and daughter admitted making the threats to “shock” the boy so he’d stop exposing himself at the Perth daycare centre where they worked.
[via ninemsn]

POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.

Dr Emma Bradford, of Reading University, said: “I guess you would have to rip out a few pages of Leviticus and then somehow fashion them into a condom-like device using lots and lots of masking tape.

“Or you could shred the pages, soak them in water and construct something that looks a bit like a paper maché cigar tube.”

Dr Bradford added: “It has to be one of those two because suggesting that the African Aids epidemic can be contained simply by reading the bible would be criminally insane.”
[via The Daily Mash]

Teenager paints 60ft phallus on roof of family home

Rory McInnes, 18, climbed on to the flat roof of his parents’ home and daubed the symbol using a tin of white paint, after watching a programme about Google Earth.
[via Telegraph]