Texts From Last Night – Weekly Picks Vol. 1
If you haven’t heard of or don’t regularly visit the site TextsFromLastNight.com, you sure are missing out on some funny stuff.
Below are a few of my favorites from this week.
(301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
(216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.
(773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
(408): i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time…but still understand both
(650): i think otters can do that
(815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
(570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
(818): I just saw a commercial that said “call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours”. I said “disgusting” and my mom said “I know, i hate when that happens.” Get me out of here.
(210): I just want to hang out with her.
(916): You’re a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can’t have sex with my mom? I hate you.
(516): I’m at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a “playboy model” when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says “ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do” Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero…
Share your favorite TextsFromLastNight, from this week, in the comments.
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(251): Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
(303): It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.