Found over at Gizmodo.com

The Beard Head comes in four flavors – viking (yellow), lumberjack (brown), grandpa (gray), and pirate (black).

You can also get add-ons, like a new mustache… fu manchu style.

Check ‘em out at beardhead.com

Burger King has released a new body spray, “Flame”, the essance of the whopper.

Move over fast food cooks…its time for the rest of us to get some of that big, juicy, burger-loving ass.

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com

Look out Whopper virgins……Here I come (did I spell that right?).

The first is Monoprice.com
If you are looking for cables for your home theater components, cables for your computer, etc., this is the place for you. Huge selection and great prices.

The second is Power101.com
Got a digital camera with a bad battery? DO NOT go to Best “Screw you any way we can” Buy before checking out this site. The battery for my new digital camera costs only $.21. Crazy!

(Click for larger image)

The items seemed to be in line with the camera until I got to “firedog In-Home Digital Camera Setup and Training $149.99.

Who the heck is going to spend $149.99 on digital camera training?

I tried to think of a subset of people, but couldn’t come up with anyone. People in their 30’s or younger are usually jiggy with technology and wouldn’t need help. People in their 30’s and older gradually transfer from “jiggy with technology” to “an overabundance of research both on the internet and in person”, so they already know what they are buying. (To give an example of this group, when we were browsing the camera selections at Circuit City, there was a Grandpa and Grandma age couple also looking at the cameras. I over heard them talking with the sales rep and heard Grandpa say, “I read on the internet…blah blah blah” He’s done his research. Good for him.)

Obviously Circuit City has sold this package before, otherwise they wouldn’t offer it. I’m sure the person who comes out to your house is very friendly and knowledgeable as well. More power to Circuit City if they are selling it.

So, my question to all the faithful bonkos readers is twofold:
1. Would you ever purchase the $149.99 package? (Don’t worry about admitting to it. You won’t be chastised for too long.)
2. If not, can you think of someone who would?

1. Let’s say your phone breaks, customer service may tell you that a store will have a loaner phone you can use while your broken phone is being fixed. You make the trip into a store and we will probably tell you we’re out of loaner phones…we’re not, it’s just a lot of hassle for us. — BUT — we will call another store and pawn you off on them if they admit to having any loaners. We also have a large box of old phones in the back that we could easily just give you…but we won’t.

2. Some parents want to get a phone for their kid but since the kid doesn’t have any credit history, we may suggest a prepaid account, saying it is a good way to build your credit – total LIE. You don’t even have to give us your name when setting up a prepaid account, let alone any information pertaining to your credit.

3. If you are on a monthly plan and you break your phone and it’s out of warranty, the cheapest way to replace your broken phone is to set up a prepaid account. You can usually get a phone cheaper this way than having to purchase or “upgrade” your phone.

4. “Buying your phone through an online retailer is risky” – Mostly lies. I don’t want you to buy your phone online, even though the price is MUCH less and you may even end up making money on the deal (see Amazon), because I won’t get commission off selling you a phone that is WAY overpriced.

5. “Yeah, the Pocket PC is a great phone/organizer. We haven’t had any software issues and it’s compatible with pretty much everything.” Meanwhile, 9 out of every 10 Pocket PCs we sold came were returned with a problem, but due to the extremely high commission we got we were willing to tell you anything.

6. The 15% off discount you’re getting on accessories is not because you’re special, it’s because I’m making 3 dollars off the sale of each extra piece of crap you buy…and don’t forget — your daughter probably wants a colorful faceplate.” Accessories are where the money is.

7. “I can give you a month free of a text messaging package, but the way the system works, you will be charged for that month and you will have to pay for it. But you will see a credit on your next bill…or your third bill, depending on when I remember to go into your account to apply the credit, if I even remember too. Thanks for the commission!”

8. Smart Access is a special kind of account that not everyone qualifies for (making it sound like a good thing)….oh yeah, we’ll need that $75 non-refundable deposit too, BUT we can get you a FREE (crappy) phone today.

9. “Your Smart Access account is suspended because you forgot to pay your bill? I can accept your payment here at the store and your phone should be turned back on within 2 hours.” Actually it will be turned on in about 30 seconds, but if it doesn’t, I want you out of the store so hopefully you won’t come back and bother me.

10. If a sales rep asks you to step outside to talk about signing up, he/she is probably doing something against the rules. What they are offering will sound like a sweet deal, and it probably is, but if they promise a ‘credit’ on your account later on,good luck actually seeing it, because that employee probably won’t be working there much longer.

Customizable Fruit Roll Ups are finally here! I know you’ve been waiting for this!

I’m selling my car. It’s a very good car, just not very conducive to car seats. Have a look, pass it around to your friends, let me know if you have any questions.

Additional pictures can be found here:
1998 Monte Carlo

Carsoup ad can be found here:
Monte for Sale

Loyal bonkos.com readers can get a 5% discount just by mentioning “bonkos.com”!

“Are Your ______ Sagging, Torn or Damaged? Do Your ______ Wobble, Tilt or Not Sit Properly? Fix your stretched and droopy ______ problem instantly.”

I bet you all were thinking “boobs”. You are all sickos.

“Are Your Earlobes Sagging, Torn or Damaged? Do Your Earrings Wobble, Tilt or Not Sit Properly? Fix your stretched and droopy ear lobe problem instantly with
Ear Lifts, the remarkable earring support solution for pierced ears.”

Gross…

I signed up and tested it out with a gatorade bottle I had on my desk and it works pretty slick. They only have select stores that they search for prices with, so in my case I was told that some grocery store in New York had gatorade for $8 for a 12 pack.

But it’s a free service so I can’t really complain.

You do NOT need a membership to buy booze (beer or hard liqour) from these companies and you still get the “member price” — so you alcoholics should try this and let me know in the comments if it works.

EXTRA EXTRA CHEAP BOOZE FOR SALE READ ALL ABOUT IT

The Genpets? come in 2 base configurations, a 1-year model, and 3-year model.

Each Genpet comes with a color-coded personality. For example, a child that wishes to have a Genpet that is very energetic would choose a Red Genpet. Engineered DNA, engineered personalities, and engineered lifespan, it doesn?t come any better than that. Bio-Genica has you covered on all bases. Just leave the details to us.

In the Packages:
As you?ve noticed, each Genpet comes pre-packaged as a fully self-contained unit. This packaging is part of what truly separates the Genpets from every other product on the market today. Each package has an embedded microchip that monitors and controls the state of the Genpet while it is asleep waiting for you to take it home. Better yet, it displays the status of the Genpet with a Fresh Strip, as well as a fully working heart monitor in the top right of the package.

Out of the packages:
Genpets have limited mobility. Like dolls, puppies or human babies, they must be looked after and cared for. Upon waking from its dormant state the Genpet will immediatly bond or imprint to your child.

Is it me or is this thing being crucified in the package?


WTF is that tube sticking out of the package?

And if that wasn’t creepy enough – check out this kid.
(and why is hugging it while it’s in the package?)

[via DoubleViking]